Why can't we just be on the same page?

The more months that pass, the more I start to wonder if I will ever have another baby. For a while my cycles seemed normal, so I tried not to worry too much, and we just kept on "trying". Now my cycles seem to be messed up again. I have been spotting every other week, with no sign of ovulation or an actual period. I am feeling very little hope right now of actually conceiving on my own.

Now I should back-track, and mention that when Gairod agreed in April to try for one last baby, HE SAID we could try, but only on our own. He did not want to use Clomid again, for fear of another set of multiples. I SAID we could try on our own, and then discuss it again if it seemed that Clomid would be needed.

Well now, 8 months later, it seems that Clomid is needed, and Gairod is still adamant that he does NOT want to use it! I feel crushed. I so desperately want another baby, and as much as I only want ONE more, I really would be fine if we ended up with a set of twins, or another set of triplets.

I am struggling, trying to find SOME way to convince him to let us use Clomid! I have even thought of just using it and not telling him. I would NEVER actually do this, but that is how desperate I feel! I have a doctor appointment on February 5th, so I have until then to try and convince him.

I can honestly say I am jealous of women who's husbands are okay with, and actually want, lots of kids! To be fair, I don't think I really realized I wanted lots of kids until after the triplets were born. It's not like I went into our marriage KNOWING I wanted 5-6 kids, and Gairod only wanted 2-3. After having the triplets I just didn't feel "done", and after finding the BBC large family board, I realized that it is OKAY to want and have more than 2-3 kids, even if most people think you're weird!!

Maybe if I take better care of the house, stop complaining so much, and am a better wife, he will be more willing to have more kids? I don't know, I am at a total loss....