Meltdown!

Well, it finally happened! Last night I had a total meltdown, and cried myself to sleep!

The day we found out we were pregnant with the triplets (but before we knew it was triplets!) I was so happy! We had been trying for 13 months, and it had finally happened - we were pregnant! It was what I had wanted for so long. That night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I started to freak out! I started thinking oh my God, what have we done?! Things are going to be so much harder now! We have a 4 year old. She's potty trained, sleeps through the night, we can take her places like camping and boating. Now we are going to throw a baby into the mix?!? (Little did I know how crazy things were actually going to get, since instead of one baby, there would be three!!) Even though I had wanted a baby for so long, I was scared of the change, of the unknown, and realizing that things would never again be the same. So I had my meltdown the day I found out we were pregnant. Of course I freaked out again when we found out it was triplets, but then I embraced our blessing, and kept on moving forward!

With this pregnancy, I hadn't had my freak out moment yet - until last night! I was waiting for it, I knew it would be coming. I expected it to come a lot sooner! I thing part of it was that I was tired, part was that I am SOOO tired of feeling sick almost all the time! After eating Jello for dinner last night, because nothing else appealed to me, I sat on the couch and watched TV. When I went to go get washed up for bed, that's when it all came flooding at me: I don't want to do this. I don't care if we have another baby, I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I just want to feel normal. I want to be able to eat normal, play with my kids normal, live my life normal! I can't do this for another 7 months! Our kids all sleep through the night, they are all getting so much more independent. What have we done? What if we have made a horrible mistake?
I said good night to Gairod, who was watching TV, and I went into our bedroom, layed down in bed, and cried. I cried until I finally fell asleep.

I feel much better this morning. I needed to go through that. I needed to get all of my scared feelings out, so that now I can move forward. I can do this, it will get better, and we will have a beautiful little baby in the end, which will make everything worth while!