My Sister

I have debated doing a post about this topic for a while, but haven't done it. I now feel that it is time.

I am worried about my sister. Actually, I am more worried about her 6-month-old daughter, Lily.

Ever since I found out last summer that Christine (my sister) was pregnant, I was a bit worried. She has always been immature, and irresponsible, and has had some drug problems in the past. She was 19 and single, and the father was a 32-year-old, who worked at the same restaurant as her. In my mind, that was a big red flag from the start. I mean, what 32-year-old is interested in, and has sex with, a 19-year-old??? Obviously a loser, who needs to grow up!

I didn't want to be a hypocrite, since I myself got pregnant when I was 18, and single. But the minute I found out I was pregnant, I made the choice to grow up, and be a mother to my baby. So I figured Christine would do one of two things: Grow up, and be the mother she needed to be, or not, which would lead to a difficult life for both her and her baby.

After a difficult end to her pregnancy, which included needing to get the baby out early, and her only weighing 2 lbs 5 ozs, I *thought* Christine would grow up. Having a baby in the NICU is a very difficult thing, and I figured that, coupled with the fact that the baby's father abandoned her the day she delivered (yeah, nice!) would really help her to realize the important things in life.

There were little things that bugged me right from the beginning, but I am not even going to elaborate on them, since they are more things of personal preference, and I believe that everyone is entitled to parent how they see fit, as long as it isn't causing harm to their baby.

Then, shortly after Lily came home from the hospital, I started to notice that when ever I called my mom (my sister and Lily live with my parents), she was holding/looking after Lily. It took great strength for me to bite my tongue, and not say anything. Then I noticed my sister started putting pictures on Facebook, of her out to dinner or at the bar, with her friends, only months after Lily was born. I knew my mom was the one at home looking after Lily.

Now I realize that this is none of my business, but it bugged me. When I had Jade, I was young too. But I always looked after her at home, and I'm pretty sure I didn't go out at all, for the whole first year! Yes I lost all of my high school friends, and I didn't get to be a "regular" 19-year-old, but I made that choice to grow up, and essentially give up my life, for my daughter.

It also bugged me that my parents were letting my sister act like this. They would never have let me get away with dumping my baby on them, so why were they letting her do it?! I realize that it is natural for them to want to help, but they aren't doing her any favours by taking over her responsibilities. She needs to grow up, and learn how to take care of her baby by herself.

Finally in June, my mom started to complain about how much Christine was going out, and how much she was getting stuck looking after Lily. So I finally spoke up. I told her my thoughts, and how much I appreciated the fact that they didn't step in and help me with Jade, and that I believe it made me a better mother, and stronger woman. So my mom said that after their 5 weeks at the lake, she was going to really put her foot down, and not do so much for my sister.

Now remember, we spent 3 of those 5 weeks at the lake with them, so that really gave me the chance to see how my sister was doing things. Again, there were a lot of things that bugged me, and like I said before, everyone has the right to parent the way they want to, and if it works for them, great. But the way my sister does stuff DOESN'T work! She has Lily on NO schedule as far as sleeping/eating, and whenever she cries, she just gets mad and stuffs a bottle in her face! Then she wonders why she spits up all the time! She doesn't have a set time of day when she makes bottles, she would wait until there were none left, and we would be about to go out the door somewhere, and she would have to make bottles. Again, I KNOW these are little things, but if things aren't really working for you, wouldn't you take suggestions from people who have, and currently are, raising young kids??

I also found out while we were at the lake, that Christine started smoking again. She quit while she was pregnant, so why would she start again?? The one day she was complaining about how much her special formula costs (Lily needed to be on a high fat formula for the first 6 months, because she was born so small), and then the next day I see her smoking. If you are that concerned about the cost of feeding your baby, why would you waste money on cigarettes??

I should also mention the fact that she does NOTHING around the house, not even picking up after herself and Lily. She leaves dirty dishes every where, won't jump in and help my mom with anything, even when she is asked, and half the time my mom does Lily's laundry, because her basket is over-flowing.

SO, since they got back from the lake, in the first week, she went out SEVERAL times with her friends, one time, not getting home until 4:30 in the morning. My mom was VERY mad, and told her no more! It's time to buckle down and be a parent! A few days later, she went to BC with her friends for a week, leaving Lily with my parents. This was a pre-arranged trip, that she had planned since June. I shared my opinion with my mom, that she shouldn't let her go, but she did. Again - you have a 5 month old baby. You don't get to go on road trips with your girlfriends!!

So since she got back, Christine and my mom have been doing nothing but fighting. My sister doesn't want any input from my mom, yet she wants her to watch Lily for her ALL the time! She doesn't seem to realize that she is not a "normal" 20-year-old! She is a mother, with a baby!

So now, the latest, is that she is seeing someone. The room-mate of the brother of Lily's father. Weird? Yeah, I think so! My mom said this guy is 28, and unemployed. Great. Another winner!

So the other evening, he came over to my parents house to watch a movie. Well, my mom got up in the morning, and his shoes were still by the front door. My sister made up some excuse that the DVD player in the main room wasn't working, so they had to go to her room to watch a movie, and they must have just fell asleep. Yeah, right!

The next morning (yesterday), again, my mom comes down to the kitchen, and through the closed basement door, she can hear Lily crying. So she goes downstairs to see why Christine isn't getting up with her, and finds Christine and this guy, in bed, sleeping. My mom told her to get up, and look after her baby. So my mom went to work, and when she came home, my sister was sitting on the couch playing Guitar Hero, while Lily was in another room, in her playpen, wide awake, crying.

I am sorry, but in my mind, that is neglect. You don't just ignore your 6-month-old baby, so you can sleep, or play a video game!

So last night, my sister asked my mom to watch Lily so she could go over to this guys house. My mom refused, so my sister packed up Lily and took her with her. As of 2pm this afternoon, she hadn't come home yet.

I really don't like the path my sister is heading down. She is either going to get back into drugs, or get pregnant again, or both! It scares me that Lily is 6-months-old, and my sister still hasn't grown up and become a mother. I feel bad for my mom, who is stressed out, because she wants to just back off and let my sister make her own mistakes, but not at Lily's expense. Ultimately, Lily is the one who is going to suffer from all of this.