Spring?? Where are you?

I want to apologize for being so sporadic in posting lately. There's been lots that I have planned on posting about, but then I just haven't been getting around to it. Really not much has been going on; Homeschooling, preparing for next year's homeschooling, re-organizing, decluttering - the usual. We have also been not-so-patiently waiting for Spring. On Friday it will be April 1st, and we have really not had any "spring" yet. We are SO tired of winter! It's been dragging down me, and it's been dragging down the kids. We are all longing for days of sunshine, warmth, and playing outside. Yesterday, the sun was finally shining, and it was about 8 degrees (lately that is considered quite a nice day around here - pathetic, I know!). So we put on our rubber boots, and went out for a walk. I was SO soothing to soak up the sunshine and fresh air! After walking around town for about an hour, I felt refreshed and rejuvenated :) I am going to try harder to post more often. There are definitely a few subjects that have been heavy on my mind lately, that I need to post about. Maybe if I change the look of my blog, it will feel more spring-ish, and I will feel more positive, and more likely to post! :)

Stitches! :(

I have made it *almost* 9 years being a mother and not having to deal with stitches. In fact, I have never even needed stitches! But yesterday, poor Kadance needed them. :(

I was getting lunch ready, and Hayden was helping me wash the strawberries. Kadance came into the kitchen and wanted to help, but there wasn't room, so I told her that she could help with the next thing. She got mad and stormed off into the living room. Then I heard a big crash and Kadance started screaming. I turned around to see what had happened (I could see her from where I was standing in the kitchen). She had tripped over a toy, and was laying face down on the floor crying. I went to help her up and see what she hurt. As soon as I picked her up, I could see a puddle of blood on the floor, and she has blood all over her hands and her chin. I yelled for Jade to grab me some Kleenex. I thought that she had hit her mouth, but then I saw that the blood was coming from her chin. I quickly pressed some Kleenex to her chin to slow the bleeding and clean it up so that I could see how bad it was - I had a feeling it was bad!

When I took a look at it, I could see that it was split wide open, and knew that she needed stitches. I quickly called Gairod and told him (he was working in Calgary), as I racked my brain trying to think of who I could call to come and watch the other kids. I have come to realize that I don't really do well in emergency situations - I tend to panic, and I can't think straight! I finally thought of my friend Kandice and called her. Luckily she was home, and told me to bring the kids right over.

I got everyone loaded into the Suburban, dropped off the other kids, and took Kadance into Airdrie, to Urgent Care. My poor girl cried the whole way there, and she cried while we waited in line at triage. Once the nurse assessed her, she put a numbing gel on her chin, and covered it with a big plastic bandage while we waited for stitches. As her chin started to freeze, Kadance started to perk up and she stopped crying.

Gairod left work, and came and met us at Urgent Care. We waited for about 2.5 hours, then finally we got called back to the suture room. The lady only put 2 stitches in (Gairod said she should have put more in), covered it with a cloth bandage, and sent us on our way. We have to go to our family doctor in a week, to get the stitches out.

Poor Kadance was in quite a bit of pain yesterday evening, as all the freezing wore off. She is in quite a bit of pain this morning too. I am really hoping that she starts to feel better soon! :(

Just before stitches

Just after stitches

Control.

I have come to realize, that I am the kind of person who likes to be in control. When I am not in control of a situation, or area of my life, I tend to lash out emotionally, and/or shut down.

Lately, I don't feel like I am in control - of anything. I feel like my house is a disaster, my kids are brats, and my eating/weight is disgusting. I HATE feeling out of control. I have REALLY been struggling lately.

I don't know what to do. I keep making plans to re-gain control, but then I don't follow through. I can't seem to get motivated. Then I am mad at myself, but I lash out at my kids and my husband. Or I shut down, and I quit trying.

I know that part of my problem is the weather. I am SO sick of winter, yet it is still bitterly cold and snowy, and there are no signs of Spring coming anytime soon. I am SO ready for a change of seasons. Maybe that will help me to become motivated? I don't know. But I am tired of feeling out of control.

Great Day!

Yesterday was a great day, one of the best I have had in a long time!! I think the best part about it was that it was totally spontaneous - NONE of the stuff we did was planned. I am usually a planner. But yesterday, everything was done on a whim - and it felt good!! :)

When I got up and checked Facebook yesterday morning, I read about how a friend had taken her son to the Calgary Science Center to see their special Titanic exhibit. I thought that it would be cool to take Jade there too! Then I realized that it was the perfect day to do it! Gairod was home, so he could keep the other kids, and my mom was off work, so I could invite her to come with Jade and I!

So we did our regular school work, then Jade and I headed into Airdrie to pick up my mom, just before lunch time. After we picked up my mom, we stopped at McDonalds for lunch, then we went into Calgary, to the Science Center.

The Titanic exhibit was great!! Each person got a replica boarding pass, with the name and info of a real passenger. At the end, you got to check and see if your person lived or died (we all lived)! There were a bunch of real artifacts from the Titanic to see, and tons of info to read! I have decided to use the exhibit as a starting point for a Titanic unit study for Jade! I am so excited! We are going to start it on Monday. :)

After the Science Center, we stopped at Michael's, and I got some stuff for the triplets birthday party, which is rapidly approaching! Then we dropped my mom back off at her house. She was going to have Kadance and Hayden over for a sleepover, so I needed to head back out to our house, to pick them up.

We ended up all deciding to head back into Airdrie, since Gairod needed to get some new clothes to wear to a wedding we are going to on Saturday. So just before dinner time, we dropped Kadance and Hayden off at my mom's house, and then Gairod, Jade, Cole, Sage, and I headed to the mall in Balzac.

Things were so calm and nice with only 1 three-year-old, instead of 3! After looking in a million stores, Gairod finally found something to wear. We then had supper at the food court. On our way home, we stopped at Dairy Queen and picked up ice cream Sundays! :)

It was just a nice, relaxing yet productive, spontaneous day!! :)

Feeling the Urge.

I am feeling the urge to purge again! :)

As you have probably noticed, I tend to go through waves of de-cluttering and organizing. I do really good and get lots done for a bit, and then it tends to taper off, and I get little to nothing done for a bit. I have recently learned to not fret when I don't feel motivated to organize, because I know that another wave will come, when I will feel this insane need to clear stuff out!

My problem now, is trying to decide what to start with! I have SO many things that I want to do!

I really want to do something with our living room. I haven't liked it for a while now, it just looks SO cluttered - because it is! The problem is we need/use most of the stuff in our living room, so I need to find a better way to store/organize it. I am also already running out of storage space for homeschooling stuff, so I want to be proactive about that. What I really want is a big PAX customized wardrobe system from Ikea. Gairod doesn't want that, because it will cost a few hundred dollars, and he thinks it will look big and ugly in the living room. I think it would be several hundred dollars well spent, and it won't look any uglier than our living room already does! So that is still being debated - and by that I mean I am going to keep bugging him about it until he finally gives in and lets me get it! :)

Another area I really need to do is our bedroom. It has become a catch-all for stuff that doesn't really have any other place to go. I also desperately need to go through our clothes. I have decided to just get rid of all of the stuff that doesn't fit me, since if I ever lose the weight, I will want to treat myself to new clothes anyways!

Sage's room also needs to be done. I have overflowing bins of too-small clothes (Sage's and Kadance's), that need to be sorted through. I also have things like receiving blankets, which we no longer use, that are still on her change table shelves.

And then there's the basement. I need to go through the kids toys again, because they are still just dragging stuff out and making a mess with it. They really only play with about 20% of their toys. The rest just gets dragged out and chucked around, getting wrecked and making a mess. I also need to keep nagging Gairod about finishing the closet downstairs, and working on cleaning out and finishing the laundry room/furnace room/bathroom.

So those are the main areas that need to be done. I think I am going to start in our bedroom, as it is really bugging me, and I have been talking about doing it for a while now! lol! I always forget to take before pictures, so I am going to go take some right now! :)

Readjusting.

Now that Gairod is home, and I am feeling better, we are trying to readjust, and get things back to normal around here.

I didn't really realize how difficult it would be to add Gairod back into our lives, after he was gone for a month. My getting hurt was actually kind of a good thing, as it helped to cushion the readjustment for a few days. Gairod was forced to jump right in and help with the kids, the house, and the meals. But now that I am feeling better, things are different.

Things are getting back to "normal", which was fine a month ago, but seems difficult now. Let me explain: I have always done most of the care for the kids; getting up with them in the middle of the night, getting up with them in the morning, making them meals, getting them dressed, getting them bathed, etc. I have also always done most of the care for the house; cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. I have mostly been okay with this, since I am a stay at home mom, so looking after the kids and house is my "job", while Gairod's main job is working outside the house, and making money for our family to live.

The problem is, while Gairod was gone, I somehow got this fantasy in my head, of how much more he would help out with the kids and the house when he got home. Unfortunately, he just wants to get back to "normal", which means me doing most things. Now remember, a month ago, I was okay with this. So why am I not okay with it now?

A month ago, things were going really good. I had a good handle on eating right, exercising, cooking, baking, and cleaning. I also had a really good relationship with Gairod. I feel like over the past month, ALL of those things fell apart, at least to some extent. I feel like I made so much progress, and now I have taken a couple of steps back, and have to work hard just to get back to where we were.

Feeling Human!

I am happy to say, that about half way through yesterday (Friday), I finally started to feel human again!! :)



Gairod got home at around 8:30pm, Wednesday evening. I felt such a sense of relief when he came home, as now I wouldn't have to rely on other people so much - I had my husband back; The person I am supposed to rely on.

I still felt really crappy all day Thursday, my head hurt SO badly! I couldn't look at the computer or TV for more than a few minutes - it just hurt too much! Gairod took the kids out Thursday afternoon, so I could have some peace and quiet. I napped for 2 hours, and then another hour at dinner time, while Gairod fed the kids supper. Poor Gairod, it wasn't exactly the homecoming I had planned for him, but such is life! lol!

On Friday I still felt iffy in the morning, but needed to get out of the house. So we packed up the kids, and headed to the mall for the afternoon. By the time we got home, I felt pretty good, aside from a moderate headache, and a sore neck.

Today I feel really good. I still have a mild headache, and my neck hurts a bit, but I can deal with both of those. I feel normal again - and I love it! :)

Memory.

You never realize how much you take your memory for granted, until you lose it.

Sunday was a bad day. In fact, it ranks right up there with my top 2 worst days ever.

It all started out normal enough. The boys had a sleepover Saturday night at Auntie Kim and Uncle Kody's house, so it was just the girls and I on Sunday morning. My mother-in-law called, to see if we wanted to meet them at the local restaurant for breakfast. I quickly showered and got the girls all ready, and we went for breakfast.

Kim and Kody were there with the boys, who were happy to see me, but not yet ready to come home. I mentioned needing to go into Airdrie and get some groceries, so Kim suggested I drop the older 2 girls off at her house, and they would all make some sugar cookies for Valentine's, while Sage and I went in grocery shopping.

This is where it all starts to get a bit foggy. I remember stopping at the bank, to put a cheque in, before taking the girls over. I kind of remember stopping at the house, to pick up my grocery list. Then I took the girls over to Kim and Kody's house.

I think this is when I fell. When I was getting out of the suburban at Kim and Kody's, I think I slipped on some ice and hit my head. But this is where I am really unsure. I am positive that I fell and hit my head, but I am NOT positive on where I did it. I originally thought I fell at Superstore, in the parking lot, but the more I try to remember, and piece things back together, the more I think I fell at Kim and Kody's. The main reason I think that that is where I fell, is because I didn't get gas in the Suburban. I needed gas, and I ALWAYS get gas BEFORE I get groceries, at the Superstore gas station. So if I was fine before I went to Superstore, I would have gotten gas before parking in the main parking lot.

Anyways, back to the story: I don't really remember taking the girls up to the door, getting back into the Suburban, and leaving Crossfield. I don't remember driving to Airdrie. I vaguely remember pulling into the Superstore parking lot. I think I got out of the suburban in the parking lot, and realized that something was very wrong. This is where it ALL goes blank for me. Apparently I left Superstore, and headed towards Urgent Care in Airdrie, which is only a few blocks away. I called my mom's house, and my dad answered the phone. He said I was crying, and asking for mom. He asked me what was wrong, and I said I didn't know, but that I needed them to meet me at Urgent Care and I hung up. My mom called me back right away, and told me to pull over and that they would come and find me, but at that point I was already at Urgent Care. I do not remember being at Urgent Care AT ALL. My parents rushed over there, and my mom said I was standing in line at triage, holding Sage, looking dazed and confused. She asked me where the other kids were, and I burst out crying and said "I don't know!" I think that took several years off of my poor mom's life!! She tried calling Lorna and Durno (my in-laws), but they weren't home, they were still at the restaurant. She finally found Kody and Kim's phone number, and was relieved to find out that all the other kids were safe with them.

Now they were desperately trying to find out what was wrong with me! I didn't know where I was, what day or year it was, or what had happened. My mom said they weren't totally sure if I had fallen, because I didn't have a big bump on my head, just a small scratch. While I was at Urgent Care, they changed me into a hospital gown, took several viales of blood, and put in an IV. I remember NONE of this. The next thing I vaguely remember, is being on the ambulance. I remember a young, male, Asian paramedic, and a young girl with brown hair in a ponytail. I kind of remember asking the guy where my kids were, where Sage was, and where Gairod was. My mom said I kept asking those questions over and over, about every 20 seconds, the whole time we were at Urgent Care, so she made sure to tell the paramedics the answers before they left to take me to Foothills hospital. I think I remember asking the paramedics where we were going - repeatedly. I think I was in and out of it in the ambulance, as I only remember a few brief moments. I then remember pulling into the ambulance bay, and then it all goes blank again.

The next thing I remember, I was in a bed in the ER at Foothills. I kept looking at the date on my watch: 02/13. I kept looking at it over and over, because I couldn't make sense of it. I remember a doctor or nurse asking me what year it was, and I made a guess at 2010. She told me to guess again, and I got it right, 2011. The one thing I got bang on was my kids names - I even listed them in birth order! lol! I was in and out of it most of the time at Foothills, I felt like I was in a dream. I wasn't sure what was happening, and what was in my head. Everything was SO dream-like. Voices, sights, memories, nothing seemed real.

At this point, they still weren't sure what exactly had happened. They suggested that it could be something called Global Transient Amnesia. This is where someone suddenly suffers from amnesia, for no reason at all, and it usually remedies itself within 24 hours. But this condition usually affects people over 50, so I didn't really fit the profile. They also suggested the possibility that I had had a seizure. They sent me for a CT scan, and everything looked fine.

I kept picturing slipping, and hitting my head, and thinking "FUCK! That hurt!!" I remember my head and neck really hurting while I was at the hospital, and they gave me toradol to help with the pain. I also kept picturing my key fob over and over. I have remote start on my suburban, with a digital display key fob. I kept picturing it with a big crack across the screen, and the part where it shows if it is locked or unlocked was messed up. I guess I was picturing this in my head for a long time before I actually said something about it. My mother-in-law called my father-in-law, who had my keys. He said what I was describing was exactly how they looked! So now we were positive that I actually fell, with my keys in my hand, smashing the key fob.

By early evening I was coherent enough that they discharged me from the hospital. I guess they still weren't convinced that I just slipped and fell, since my CT scan was clear, but everything I have read says that a concussion won't show up on a CT scan unless there is other trauma to the brain. So they booked me a follow up appointment at the Urgent Neuro Clinic.

Sage and I stayed at my mom's house on Sunday night, and the other kids all stayed at Kody and Kim's house. My mom talked to Gairod that evening, and filled him in on what had happened. I slept pretty well, but still felt really spacey and out of it. Monday morning my mom took me to Superstore, to pick up a few groceries (since I never made it in there on Sunday! Haha!), and took me home. My mother-in-law brought the rest of the kids home. They were all happy to see me! Both my mom and mother-in-law stayed with us for the rest of the day, and I napped for most of the afternoon. My mom brought us back to her house for dinner and to bath the kids and get them all ready for bed. (The doctor at the hospital said I was not allowed to drive until after my follow up appointment.) My mom then took us home, so we could all sleep in our own beds.

I had my Urgent Neuro appointment on Tuesday morning. My mom took me to it, and my mother-in-law stayed with the kids. It was kind of a waste of time. The doctor was kind of a goof. He just asked me to explain to him what happened, and then he did a basic neuro exam, testing my sight, testing my reflexes, asking me about my hearing, and my sense of touch. He also tested my short-term memory, asking me to remember 5 words. I failed. I could only remember 3.

He said that everything seems normal and consistent with a blunt force trauma to the head. But due to the initial confusion in the hospital about what actually happened, he wants to send me for an EEG, just to rule out the possibility of a seizure. He also said that since my short-term memory isn't quite back, and I am still feeling spacey, he doesn't want me driving until after the EEG. He said that that should give me enough time for things to settle and get back to normal.

So now it is Wednesday. I am waiting for them to call and let me know when my EEG will be. I have been feeling a bit better each day, but I still don't feel "normal". I feel spacey, light-headed, dizzy, and like I can't really concentrate. My head and neck hurt. From everything I have read about concussions, this is all normal, and will hopefully resolve within a week or two. Gairod is hopefully going to be home today or tomorrow.

So that's what happened. It has taken me a few days to type this all out, since looking at the computer screen hurts my head more. But I really wanted to blog about it, because I can already feel some of the details slipping away. I wish none of it happened. I so desperately want to go back to Sunday morning, and start over. I can't even bring myself to think of the "what ifs". I had Sage with me, and I drove to Airdrie. And I have very little recollection of it. That scares the SHIT out of me. It all seems like a nightmare, like none of it actually happened, and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that it actually did. The thought of getting out of a vehicle and stepping on ice almost sends me into a panic attack. I can't even look at my key fob, or I start to get flashbacks and feel nauseous. I need to get a new key fob, I don't care how much it costs. I can't keep using that one.

I just want everything to be normal again. I want to wake up from this nightmare, and have everything be normal.

First Steps!!!

Sage took her first steps today, at 16 months and 1 week old!! I made sure to video them, so that Daddy will be able to see!! :)

Lapbooks for Little Learners! :)

This week, I decided to try something new with the triplets - Lapbooks!! Jade has been making and enjoying Lapbooks all year. So when I found some neat, story based, Lapbooks for little kids, I decided to try one out!

We did a Lapbook for the book "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed". It had a colour mini-book, a number mini-book, a capital letter pocket, a lower case letter pocket, and ordering monkeys by size.

Each day we read the book, and put in one piece of our lapbook. The kids LOVED it!! Next week we are doing another one for the book "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" - I can't wait!! :)