I think part of my problem lately, is that I am lonely.
Ever since I was a kid, I have always felt like I was constantly trying to fit in. I recently read a blog where the lady said that when she first moved to town, she felt like people were friendly with her, but not friends with her. That is EXACTLY how I feel!! The only problem, is that I have lived here almost all my life, so why don't I have any friends?!
I have never had a bunch of friends. When I was in school, I had a few close friends, and a bunch of people I was trying to be friends with. I have never felt good enough, never felt like people could actually like me, for me.
Now, as an adult, I DO have a couple of close friends, but they are busy moms like myself, and they don't live in Crossfield. So it is a bit of a pain, and definitely takes some planning, to get together. We usually still manage to get together quite regularly, but it seems like since having Sage, and with it now being winter, we have hardly gotten together at all in the last several months. So I am lonely.
I don't really know WHY I don't have any friends in town. I grew up here, moved to Airdrie for a couple of years, and have now been back here for 5 years! It's not like I don't know anyone, there are lots of ladies I go to MOPS with, go to playgroups with, and that I see everyday in the school yard when I am picking up Jade. But for some reason, none of them are friends with me. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I am younger than a lot of them, or because I have triplets, or because I have 5 kids, or because we don't live in the "nice" part of town! I really don't know, but it bugs me.
There IS one lady in town who I seem to be developing more of a friendship with. She has 2-year-old twin girls, and we have known each other for awhile through our multiples club. We see each other every week at playgroup, and we have started to get together for playdates. It's nice to be able to drive 2 minutes to a playdate, as opposed to driving for 30-40 minutes!
I just want a friend. Someone to talk to, to vent to, to complain to. Someone who WON'T judge me, and will be a shoulder to cry on. Someone to complain about my husband and kids to, and who won't think I am crazy for having 5 kids, and still wanting one more! Someone in town, who I can call up and say "Hey, I'm having a crappy day, bring the kids and come over for a coffee!" Is that really too much to ask for?!?!
5 comments:
I know how you feel. I have lots of friends that I grew up with but they all live hours or states away. I have a hard time making friends that I can go and do things with or confide in because everyone is just so busy or they feel overwhelmed at the fact that if we go somewhere I have my five kids. HUGS. You are not along.
Christina
I too know how you feel. I feel like I have aquaintances not friends, I have been luky to have a couple friends I know I can vent to ect. But for the most part I feel very alone and like you we want more kids and when people hear that they give me such grief over it.
It's tough. I'm an introvert who doesn't make friends easily at all. I've lived in my city for a decade and still don't have any friends. Most of my woman-to-woman interaction comes in the form of online friendships, which is probably pretty pathetic, but at least it's something.
I was just saying almost this same exact thing to my husband last night!!
Jenn, let's hook up for a playdate. Seriously.
I felt like that too and it was horrible. I hate to think that you are feeling so alone. Its an awful feeling.
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