Saturday, February 6, 2010

Drowning.

I feel like I am drowning. I don't know why, or how to make it stop. I feel like I am desperately clinging to the edge of a pool, trying to keep my head above water, but there are weights on my feet, pulling me down.

I feel like I am sinking lower and lower into a depression. I have never been depressed before, but I imagine this is what it feels like.

I have no desire to do anything. I would like to just lay in bed all day and snuggle my baby. It is all I can do to muster up the energy to get the kids dressed and fed.

I don't want to feel like this. I have been TRYING to get myself out of this funk, but nothing seems to be helping. It seems the harder I try to get out of it, the farther I fall back into it.

All week I have tried to get out and do things, hoping to snap myself out of it. But I honestly feel like I am faking it when I am outside of the house. As soon as I get home, I am back to being grumpy and angry. I am snapping at the kids, and then I feel bad about getting mad at them, which make me feel even worse.

I don't know what my problem is, but I so desperately want it to go away.

4 comments:

Jennifer Y said...

I hope you feel better soon! I feel the same way sometimes. Especially if I don't get enough sleep. Winter is tough on me too, I can't wait for Spring! If you ever need anyone to talk to or vent to, just let me know! ;)

Mira said...

Call your OB. Sounds like post partum depression to me. Doesn't matter if you haven't had it before. Get help. You deserve better. Thoughts and prayers w you.

Jan said...

Let me know if there is anything I can do. Even a visit.
I've been down the PPD road before and its no fun. I was diagnosed when Levi was 4 months, so don't feel like Sage is too old for it to be that. If you are feeling bad, talk to your doc. It was the best decision I ever made. For me and my family.

Leslie said...

I hope you feeling better soon. I second the suggestion of calling your OB.

I've left you something over on my blog. I hope it lifts your spirits...at least a little bit. =)

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