Time for some changes....

I have decided I really need to start putting more effort into my marriage. Things boiled over yesterday evening, resulting in Gairod and I yelling and fighting (in front of Jade, which I HATE doing) and resulted in Gairod leaving for the evening (he was planning on going out anyways), coming home late and sleeping on the couch. He has NEVER slept on the couch. We didn't talk for most of the day today, argued a little bit more, and finally settled things this afternoon.


He basically feels that I don't show enough affection. He said it seems like unless I am trying to get pregnant, I don't want anything to do with him. And in some ways, he is right. I KNOW I don't show enough affection. I read somewhere, that mothers of young children don't crave as much "touching" as other people do. They are pawed at all day by their kids, so when the kids are in bed they don't have the same need for touch and affection. This is SOOO true for me. All day I am grabbed at, climbed on, pulled at, etc, so when the kids are in bed, I want to be left alone!! I want my body to belong to me! But I tend to forget the fact that Gairod hasn't had any affection all day (when he's working), so he craves and needs it. So this is something I need to work on. I need to show Gairod more affection.

The other big issue lately is sex. Like I have said in a previous post, when I am pregnant, I have a very low sex drive. I am going to try harder to make myself get in the mood, and not resist every time Gairod tries to initiate it!

When I really think about it, I DO put a lot of things ahead of Gairod. I spend all day worrying about and caring for my children, but I tend to forget about, or push aside my husband. I guess because I get so much love an affection from my kids, I don't feel like I need it as much from him. But at the end of the day, the kids are going to all grow up and move on with their lives, and I DO NOT want to be sitting next to a stranger, or worse yet - alone, because I didn't put the time in when it was needed.

Sooooo, I am going to try to make a conscious effort to pay more attention to Gairod and his needs, and not just think about what I need, or don't need.