Change

I have really started to notice lately, how uncomfortable I am with change.

Prime example: I haven't gotten a new cell phone since I started my plan, in 2004. Yes the phone company offers me a new phone when my term is up, but my old one has always worked fine, so I have never seen the need to get a new one! My old one is a basic LG flip phone - no camera, no internet, and I have never texted (is that the proper word?!). A few weeks ago, I started looking at iPhones, Blackberries, etc, and thinking that it is probably time for me to upgrade, and catch up to the times. Especially since I am homeschooling, it is going to be important for me to make sure my kids are technologically competent, and preferably, confident. I am NOT technologically competent or confident. I know the basics when it comes to computers and the internet, but that is about it. What makes it even more frustrating, is that Gairod doesn't know any more (possibly less!) than I do. Neither of us has ever had a job where we have needed to know any of this stuff, and we both finished highschool just before all of this stuff started coming out (ipods, mp3's, text messaging, etc) so it has just passed us by!

SO, Gairod didn't have to work yesterday, so we decided to go and get me an iPhone 4! Almost as soon as we stepped out of the store with it, I started to feel kind of sick, wondering if we had done the right thing. I liked my old phone. I knew how to use my old phone. There was nothing wrong with my old phone! Now I had a new phone, that was worth lots of money, that I didn't even know how to use!! What had I gotten myself into?! I seriously felt panicky last night, as I started trying to navigate my way through my new phone, looking at the different features, and figuring stuff out. Pathetic, I know. Seriously, who gets anxiety over getting a new phone?!

I am feeling much better about it today, but it has really made me realize how much I don't like change! I like routine, I like to know what is happening, I like to know where I am going. Change/unknown is scary to me. Why? I try to avoid going somewhere in Calgary, if I haven't been there before. When Gairod suggests putting something somewhere else, or doing something differently, I instantly shut him down, stating that it's fine the way it is. Yet, I like change when I feel like I am in control of it.

Why am I so resistant to change? Is it some kind of an anxiety issue? Is it normal? Is it just part of my lack of confidence in myself? Is it a control issue?