I find myself feeling very lonely lately. The weather outside is getting colder and more winter-ish, so we are stuck inside more, Gairod is spending long stressful days training, and I feel like my best friend is slipping away. I just feel lonely.
I love fall, but I hate winter. The last few day have been quite cold and grey, and just feel saturated with the impending cold and snow that will soon be here. I honestly think I suffer from seasonal depression, as it seems every winter I get stuck in a down rut. I am really hoping to avoid it this year, but the added outside stresses I am dealing with are threatening to push me down.
Gairod has made it through 2 and a half weeks of CFD training so far. Yes, I said so far. It is HARD. They already lost 5 or 6 guys, in the first 2 weeks. Everyday when he comes home, I am thankful that he has made it through another day. Only 10 and a half more weeks to go. Yes, that sounds long - very long - and I don't think my stress level will decrease until he makes it to graduation. Sigh. I feel like I don't have my husband right now. He is up and out of the house before anyone else is awake, he comes home around 6pm, eats, studies, and goes to bed before 10pm. I don't feel like we have any time to connect right now, and it really makes me feel lonely.
I feel like I am losing my best friend. Well, maybe not losing, but I don't feel like we are as close as we used to be. We used to get together quite often, for playdates, and evenings out. Now I feel like we have hardly seen each other over the past few months - we have both been so busy - and I miss her. I miss having someone to talk to, someone to vent to, someone to share my stress and my excitement with. I just feel lonely.
We are still dealing with truck/welder issues, and that is a constant source of stress. We got our hot tub delivered a couple of weeks ago, but we still don't have the electrical done so that we can actually hook it up and use it - that is a source of stress.
I just feel stressed and lonely.
1 comment:
I came across your blog through one of my friends. I couldn't help but stop and read this post so I hope you don't mind my commenting, as I know you have never met me. My father is a Calgary Firefighter and has been for twenty years so in a way I can relate to the frustrations that training can bring.
I just wanted you to know that in my eyes, what your husband is doing is an amazing gift to your family. Training is hard. But in terms of the outcome, for my family it was the best thing to ever happen. My dad having 4 days off meant that for us he could work on the side and provide for us, or have those days to dedicate to his kids and wife. he could come on field trips, go to the movies with us, and be there for breakfast and dinner. He could take my mom on dates and sometimes we even got to go on a family vacation.
I hope you continue to have faith that this will be a good outcome in the end. Know that a stranger has you in her thoughts and wants for your family what I was privileged to have in my childhood as a daughter of a firefighter.
Wishing you and your family the best.
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